d!rtY liTTle SecRetS

Thursday, February 26, 2009

its these things in a relationship that got me outta it in the first place.... but yet its those other things that got me into it..... so someone enlighten me as to why i actually changed my mind about not staying single anymore?.... i swear to god its my mind thats screwing me but..... why and where on earth do i get these thoughts from....? sometimes.... i think and know its me thats driving me crazy and me hurting and giving my loved one a hard time as a result of this but i really just cant help but feel that way... its like i always have this kind of barrier be it in a relationship or just on a normal basis itself... its like im so messed up.... these self- esteem issues.... these insecurities..... its always been a part of me ever since that one time.... ever since i started growing up and realizing that the world aint just rainbows and butterflies no more.... all those happily ever afters, those sweet dreams with a cherry on top... they aint ever gonna happen.... at least not in my world..... who am i lying when i say im not the girl i used to be.... somewhere inside that ugly fat disgusting side of me will always exist.... it aint ever going away.... its been there ever since.... so who am i kidding when im trying to act all happy and strong... when deep down inside im just this useless pathetic weakling......

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:23 AM

Monday, February 23, 2009

i love my baby so
this i hope he knows
of him i think at night
of dreams he roams till light

in heart is where he always is
in thoughts are where he'll always be
through him i take my every breath,
my sun, my moon, my everything

this time, im really done for.... i hope its just a one time thing that he doesnt visit this place anymore.... because then i can write what i want and not have him know of it.... i love him... and its killing me..... this is really not working out very well for me..... i have never loved a guy this much other than....... but its really scaring me... and this time its scaring me even more... than ever..... god im so helpless..... i really dont know what to do i really dont wanna screw this up i cannot bear the thought of him loving me less or his love to stop growing.... its like.... it like.... hell whenever i just think of it..... i cant even bear to face the fact that one day he'll eventually get bored of me... everytime these thoughts just so surface... it hurts.... so bad.....my heart really clenches.... im dying inside.... god i feel so helpless... its like im so stupid to let myself fall for a guy like that.... havent i had enough of uncertainties already...? havent i known the consequences of these already....? i just never learn dont i... maybe thats why i cry...... maybe thats why these tears always flow..... i guess i just have myself to blame.... my falling for him..... makes me so so god damn vulnerable....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:12 PM

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm not going no where,
lies these words shall never be.
but the only person to this promise made,
never seems to believe me...

i love u with all that i have
and your love is all i need
and baby please tell me you love me
cause only then could i be freed

never doubt my love for you
because i can love no other
those other boys never mattered
baby the one i love is you....

im helpless and desperate
im tearing up inside
with those words that you say
with those thoughts that you feel

not one day has this love stopped growing
nor has it ceased to grow
my love for you will never slow
nor will it start to pale

please baby help me out
please tell me what to do
to make u believe that i love you
and i love you and only you...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 10:39 AM

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

you know what I really hate?? I really really hate it when people are disrespectful. To me or to my family or to my friends or to my BF. dont go talking behind my back and act all sweet and innocent in front of me... cause if i were to know of what you're saying... oh you're gonna wish you ate your words baby... I think im better than people? baby i dont think that way but apparently the results i've been producing makes you think so... so well... its you guys who think im better than you... we're just capable that's all... we dont need to prove anything to you but apparently you think our results and the way we work already actually is a proof. I pity you simple minded beings... you people are so...... so naive to the extent that you think we wont actually eventually get to hear whatever you're saying behind our backs? ever heard that the walls have ears? gosh you must be living deluded lives... sometimes i envy you for that... such child like thinking... and staring games? that is so centuries ago.... do you think that by doing such things you people are very matured and cool? come on get a live! is it because your lives are so drying and boring that you have to find some topic about other people to talk about? well then i thank you for thinking of us as such hot shots.

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:27 PM