d!rtY liTTle SecRetS

Saturday, September 30, 2006

es says my blog is too depressin with all the bei shang wang shi so now he wans me to write the yu guo tian qing part... i cant realli think of ath thou except fr the part tat prelims r over..... but the fact that we gotta study r O's stil lies.... this.... sucks big time.... ok... well... maybe another thing happened that was kinda "tian qing".. well i saw him ytd...=) cuz i went to play n i brought mochi wif me.... lolx he was so sweet n gentle wif mochi.. okok enuff of tat i promised couz not to think too much abt him.... she'll kill me if she reads tis... n im not tellin anyone hu tis is onli cousin noes =P

well.... i guess another thing to be happy or at least say relief about is... i forgot wat i wanna say.... well ok maybe not relief... but sth fr me to strife fr? is to make a better me... a new improved... one tat doesnt need any reliance.... hu can survive alone.... n i wan lor mee... i got no idea y i said tat prob cuz we ate lor mee ytd... n i stil wanna eat it... o after tat.... we made brownies!!! another "tian qing"!!!muah! so good!! its delicious!!! but i dislike the nuts in it thou... stil.... i got BROWNIES!!!!!!!

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 11:02 PM

Monday, September 18, 2006

the flames of passion that once

burnt so fiercely

the promises of the heart that were once

written n held so closely

were all crushed and trampled on one fine day

and with the wind

its ashes blown away

was our bond meant to be

strong superficially yet brittle as glass

that it would shatter to pieces when hit upon

and hit the bottom with an irreversible blast?

or was it my utter mistake

that it all lay within me

that all that happened was just by

me and me and me...

if so then why had i felt that patheticly rotten

that my existence was not treasured

and only i was aware of me

when all just penetrate me

like i was a brush of cold wind...

a decision cast hence

now all wont matter

and all i have to do

is to live the consequences

consequences that i do not deserve

that i have to accept

when all faults result from her

so why in the first place

do i carry this burden

why in the first place

do i have to suffer...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:50 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i cant help feelin so insecure now tat im a big loner... the onli good fren i eva counted on is no more a fren of mine n the rest... their not those to the stage where i can cry in front of them.... the rest.... es n mouse... i dunno they are there fr me... but now adays... es is realli startin to hurt me bad too.... i noe he said its cuz he's studyin... but it hurts me to hear him say ' dun make me dao u' its so scary when i hear tat... it makes it feel like im abt to lose another fren my hands n eyes feel so heavy typin these words... its like my life is crashin down on me a whole chunk at a time... maybe if i just waste away slowly it wudnt hurt so much.... i lay in bed at nite n those tears cant wait to start runnin out... but i tel myself no.. i cudnt... i muz be strong... as kim said... there's no one in tis world u cn eva count on but urself.... but isnt it nice to noe tat at least someone in the world stil cares fr u? knows u in n out n tat u fear of bein alone the most n when the world just moves on n leaves u behind? isnt it nice to know that ur fren wud be there even if u stop movin n that she or he'd be there to pull u along... be ur strength? life is just a whole buncha bullshit.... promises are just empty cases tat steals away a part of ur heart each time one is made until there is no more left to be eaten... who m i to blame but myself fr lettin go of tat frenship? but it was one decision i made so all of us cud be happy.. or maybe just me... i've been hurtin fr so long.... how dare she say she made an effort to try patch it back wif me when she ignored me on the way to play ball on tat rainy day when i was tryin to start a conversation wif her all along... how dare she even flare when pamela spoke to her abt us.... forget it... i wish i didnt set up an empire of my own in the first place... then at least i wudnt be demolished just as my empire cmes crumblin... not havin wudnt be sad... but havin n losin it wud be twice the hurt... one when the situation realli happens.. two the memory of it happenin... wats the use of havin one good memory when u haf so many bad ones... i wish i cud just erase tis whole part of my memory n just start all over again... a new life tat i create.. or a life wif no memories... maybe it was fr the best if i didnt exist n if i just left the cliques... of pm n of es....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 6:16 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006

tis again, is dedicated to es and charles... thx... thx fr bein there when i feel down n for tellin me tat at least there're stil some ppl in the world hu cares abt me... even thou u were busy ytd to strike a convo wif me its ok cuz at least u had the tot of tokin to me when u think i feel sad thx mouse... es too at least u stil checked to make sure i was alrite...

seriously es n mouse can both be toots sometimes and es always manages to piss me off wif his wateva things and mouse always make lame things out.... but they r realli nice ppl... they look like those hu joke and play arnd alot... but when it cmes to consolin ppl... they're totful and caring... even better than many others out there... at least they care fr frens n think of them and for them at times too.... thx... i dunno wat else i can say but thx....

at least it shows tat some ppl in the world stil cares.....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:20 PM