d!rtY liTTle SecRetS

Thursday, March 30, 2006

i feel weird..... its like my heart feels weird.... literally weird.... its like my heart.... is so tight.... it feels queasy.... i havent felt like tis before.... it feels...empty..... ARGH!!!! I DUN EVEN NOE HOW IT FEELS!!!!!! its just weird..... wat if..... one day... i go back to tat freaky place again....... i dun wanna........ it took me alot... to get outta there... although im nowhere where near heaven... im nowhere near tat place... n im glad.... its a bad place.... a sad place...... i neva wanna be there again.... it scares me... alot.... it makes me bad... real bad..... i dun wanna go back there again..... i fear it...... gosh.... y m i goin on n on abt tis thing? lolx

im so angry with myself....... y cant i do things rite? y do i always screw things up fr myself? y do i mess up my life be it social or family life so bad??? gosh when can i eva get things rite......

late at nite i see the stars

sparkle brightly in the

dark colourless sky..

n wish willfully to myself....

if onli i was one of those

shinny shimmery stars

hangin brightly in the midnite sky

who wud light up ppl's life

maybe then....

i'd safe myself

from the sea of darkness

n neva feel helpless gettin lost again.....

tis is so random......

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 10:06 PM

Monday, March 27, 2006

ok so i decided to revive my blog n dun bother bout the phrase at the bottom its so not me and any i've been gone for awhile n alot has happened so much so tat i will not n m not able to sum it all up in such a short time so anyway... i'll juz start with recent. on sun... my mum's face was realli black cuz i went out on sat after tuition cuz it was mouse's b dae.. i mean wth... wats wrong with celebratin someone's b dae with him? so she actualli yelled at me over the fone before i was allowed to celebrate it with him n the rest nvm.. then we came hme n the cake was at hui yu's hse so i went up, put my things n my dad and aunt's already at hme(aunt family came fr dinner except for kor kor ronny cuz he's all the way in william hung's uni... poor him) ya so anyway i went to hui yu's hse then they came too n we sang a b dae song for him and all.... n the whole thing last for like an hr so so n i went back up n there she was with her freakin face..... wat is so up with her? gosh!!!!! so she's been gifin me the whole attitude thingy til sunday.. n wat the hell.... hu does she think she is to always gimme tat? i mean ya she's my mum... but is she actin like one? gosh dun go arnd throwin ur temper like im ur punch bag or sth!!!! hey heard of tis? respect is to be earned ok... n u givin me tis type of attitude gifs me the privilege to use tat on u too cuz since u r my elder n MY mum u are a leadin example so wateva u do i wil learn frm u eva realise tat? i got all these traits from u MUM...... ok so anyway i cudnt take it anylonger so i went out to study wif mouse es n shrek then when i came hme she was better n i told her i had to stay back today fr lit on stage so she was like was is all these does it involve in studies?" or somewhere arnd tat line when i said no she said at least ure stayin in sch n not wonderin arnd... then i realli flared.... but i managed to keep it under wrap n replied less harshly.. wat do u wan do dun always wonder ok! i seldom! n y shud i be at hme when no one's even at hme at all??!! n basically... she didnt haf much to say but take sat's issue out nicely n say but ur dad's at hme on sat... n besides aunt was already here... so i said hey dad wasnt at hme at first ok so i decided to go out so.. se basically didnt haf much left to say......

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 11:01 PM