my sis got robbed at 2330 at our hse's void deck ytd.. she was attacked by 3 chin men aged 20+ and they sprayed some chemical which was believed to be pepper spray into her eyes and on her face... and it was realli red... we sent her to the hospital... she's stayin at her bf's hse now... i went over to big unc's hse to stay over fr the nite ytd.. tis has nth to do with me but i got partly traumatised and all... it was the first time in my entire life i ever felt so afraid of bein alone and my hatred for it too... resurfaced... but the fear.... then i was wonderin... if i was caught in tat situation... wud my parents have reacted tat way? wud they even care? or wud they even bother? maybe just the part abt me bein robbed at the void.. but wud they be tat anxious and so carin?and her boyfriend... he was there for her.. comforting her they were ther for her.. even me... wat if this happened to me? wud they be there like they were for her? a boyfriend.. that is another but my parents... these qns tore me apart... its hard to imagine... u call tis self pity? u dont know do u... tis is called wanting to be loved... what do u know.. u got all the love u want u got the friends u need.. me?..i...... i dont wanna feel alone anymore... i hate it... even my sis or parents wudnt be there fr me when i needed it....

WHAT THE FCUK IS THE PROBLEM WITH THEM?! IM GOD DAMN JOININ THE TEAM NOT THE CHURCH! the teachers in school taught me the freedom of speech and that i have the right to speak in this democratic country and I GOT SCOLDED BY THEM.. what ure tryin to tell me that im taught RUBBISH and darn CRAP in school that they are wrong? THEN WHATS THE FCUKIN USE OF ME GOING TO SCHOOL GOD DAMN IT! what getting psychoed to join it.. so what if i join it?! its god damn nth illegal and why would i even join when im still doubting god?! I have my rights to go! and what did u say?not til 21 i make the decisions for u. FCUK OFF THIS HERE IS MY GOD DAMN LIFE NOT URS DAMN IT! I got scolded cuz i stood up for my decision. why cant u support it instead of object this is my life god damn it.... do i have to live the life of a puppet til 21.... cant they come to their senses?! so what if i really get psychoed and join its not anything illegal that wud put me into jail... god why does she oppose me to even worship me if i choose to? y is my life controlled by u? m i destined to be trapped here fr the next 6 yrs of my life...?

r u realli tat insensitive?? or do u actualli noe but u just dun care at all? am i askin fr too much when all i want is for u to be more aware and actualli be a little more caring? wats wrong wif me...? i dunno... r u happy..? m i happy..? can we move on when i think so little of myself and that i cant help it cuz i noe im not wat im not and i m wat i m.. im some horrible fren.. some horrible stead.. hu gets jealous becuz of the most absurd minute thing.. and cuz i cant even love and adore myself for hu i m and always think im such a loser... u told me before... if u dun love others.. hw can u love others..? and when i need u to just be there.. u just leave.. leave me alone to go cool myself... i need someone to pamper me... dun u noe..? even if its just a little pamperin... it wud do... is tat too ridiculous to ask for...?