d!rtY liTTle SecRetS

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

what has become of me? was there even a me in the very first place? after that talk... it totally hit me badly... i dont think there even is a me left.. whats left is onli the shell... shell carved by whats left of my ever so called existence... its just a case without no soul no spirit no me...

the talk... what they said... that He was, is and forever will be there for His children... all crap... then where was He when i needed Him so badly???

where were u when i needed u so bad?

where were u when suffered bad?

where were u when i needed the warmth,

when i needed the love?

i never felt ur presence..

never felt a hand reaching out

never had those fears taken out

where are u??

what they say,

what they write,

what they praise...

is it all really true??

they said u received them

loved them

forgive them

as they are..

but what about me?

am i not accepted?

not forgiven?

not loved?

or is it just human themselves?

who could not accept

could not forgive

and could not love or loved in the wrong way?...

im sorry if those ppl out there who r really believers of Him, followers of Him think of it as an insult... its tearin me apart... its shattered.. all, everything, is bringing me down.... its burnin me... turnin me into ashes and then following the wind... im blown away... forever gone...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:59 PM

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

i m havin a emotional day today dont know why but ya... some things just put me into great thought... i know its always a little exagerrated in shows and all or maybe not... but i watched this drama about this father who has 4 daughters and all... and the second daughter had some problems... without saying... nothing at all the father just told her to say everthing that was bothering her.. and at that time i was thinking... how come my mum isnt like that? how come she just dosent even know whether i was doing alright or not? whether i needed someone to be there for me? well if you're gonna tell me its because that father was a single parent and he brought them up all by himself and all so the bond is there.. its bullshit! then wont it be a stronger bond between all of us now? cause we are a perfect family? with a father and a mother and a sister? ? .... i dont know.....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:31 PM