d!rtY liTTle SecRetS

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

does anyone believe that angels actually do exist? or maybe even guardians?? if yes pls convince me that they do....

dedication to the angels above if any and to guardian angels if they ever existed.....

WHERE HAVE ALL THE ANGELS GONE

dearest angel,

were u even there when i needed you

when i needed a shoulder?

what exactly do you do

what exactly do you secure?

lovely angel,

are you too busy

occupied with things

that this mortal world gives

too busy that u have no time for me

or for those who needs u?

needs your love?

needs your care?

needs your warmth?

needs your healin?

excuse me angels,

aren't there supposed to be lotz of you up there?

enough for everyone existin in this so called world

in this so called earth?

but where are any one of you

when im desperately searchin for one?

not one of you seem to answer my prayers

not one of you seem to be there

when all i needed was just some support

when all i need was arms to fall into

shoulders to lean onto

ears to confide into...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:43 PM

Sunday, August 29, 2004

i never knew it was so hard to say good bye to someone even when u just know that person for maybe only a few days? imagine if you have to say good bye to someone whom you know for months or even years... and the worst of all is that you have never agreed to say good bye and that he or she just went even without tellin...

did anyone ever knew that music actually are feelings and what people have to say? ok i know its obvious that you all do but... ya its really really comfortin to know that people actually do understand what you are feelin isnt it??? but too bad thats not true for reality world.. no one ever thinks of other feelins... well not exactly no one... but yea most?

well... when you are really feelin bad you wont see any good things that happen but all the bad just come surfacin... memories or not... it still hurts.....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:17 PM

I woke up it was 7

Waited till 11

Just to figure out that no one would call

I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them

What's another night all alone?

When your spending everyday on your own

And here it goes

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair

Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is

Having more fun than me

Tonight...

And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed

Staring at these 4 walls again

I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time

Everyone's got somewhere to go

And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair

Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is

Having more fun than me

What the hell is wrong with me?

Don't fit in with anybody

How did this happen to me?

Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep

And every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare

I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair

Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is

Nobody wants to be alone in the world.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare I'm just a kid,

I know that its not fair

Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is

Nobody wants to be alone in the world

Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is

Having more fun than me tonight

I'm all alone tonight

Nobody cares tonight

Cause I'm just a kid tonight

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 10:55 AM

Saturday, August 28, 2004

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

'Cause your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

All of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

what's meant to be yours will be... whats not meant to be yours will never be... never... never... be....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 9:04 AM

Thursday, August 26, 2004

man is always never satisfied with what they have... and even after they get it...they ask for more...not saying im not one of them but ya...

this world we r livin in is ever so cruel so competitive... each time u just stay at a spot, someone might just stab u at the back... if you stop moving you are out of this world... man what is this world turnin into??!!! opps wrong its what is with the world??!!! forget it... my or rather our mind is too simple to think that far or have any explanations....

gettin hyped by someone because of what they said and thought that it was true but in the end onli to get stood up by that someone is really hurtin... i mean okok nvm nvm... i'll try explainin it... ... okok i think but not forget it...ARH i m s ogoin to die soon i think i so need a shrink....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 4:03 PM

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I'm filling up inside

Like i need to open wide

And pour my heart out to you

But i'll just get denied

And all i wanted was someone to hear what i'm going through

Everytime that i need you around

You're never there (never there)

Because in my life is where i need you now

But you're never there (never there)

You're never there (never there)

You were supposed to see

All the signs i left to read in front of your face

You were supposed to be

The closest thing to being me

But you're the furthest away

That's because.....

Everytime that i need you around

You're never there (never there)

Because in my life is where i need you now

But you're never there (never there)

You're never there (never there)

You're never there

And i doubt

That i will ever find out

If there's a way to get out

Of feeling all alone

Cause latley I've been thinking

Maybe

That no one's going to save me

I'll do it on my own.....

On my own

Everytime that i need you around

You're never there (never there)

Because in my life is where i need you now

But you're never there (never there)

You're never there (never there)

each day each time every second as i grow i get more and more aware of things... the worse mistake humans always do is to trust someone.. never ever fuuly trust anyone... cause the secret that was shared between two.. would turn out as a threat.. leading to everythin... betrayal.. back-stabbing.. everything.. you also cant believe what people say... cause what they say is comin from their mouth... and we dont know whats in there.. they say this but others.. say that which is so totally different from what you hear.... im not saying that i dont trust anyone or what so ever... but this is how it is... god made us like that.. y? i dont know... ARGH!! what the hell m i sayin??? forget it im crappin... man does anyone even know the real me? do i even know who i m? and well... the people who doesnt know ath bout me.. dont even dare to comment.. cause you have no right to.

do i look like someone happy? always laughing and after every sad incident which makes me cry i recover real fast? like i can so easily forget about a matter? well... beyond this smile... is a broken heart... tryin to mend its pieces.. what i need is for someone to be there... not someone....forget it....

and to mr patrick.... im sorri for what happened today...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 7:48 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Here we are

You tell me I'm the only one

Who makes you feel love again

There you goI see you watching him

When you don't think I knowShould I let you go?

So who's it gonna be

Is it him or me?

Who do you love?

Who do you need?

You're messing up my mind

Wastin' all my time

Who do you love?

What do you feel?

Stop playin with my heart

You're tearin me apart

Am I the one

who can make you fly up above

Is it me who can take you higher

than you're dreaming of

Now who do you love?

Who do you love?

Turn around

Do you really think you could

You'll play me like a fool

For you

Then I realize

When you touch me it's like nothing I have known

Could I let you go

So who's it gonna be

Is it him or me?

well i like this song and i need answers... i wanna know... someone please tel me... each day each time... the more i hold the more painful it gets the more hurtful ti is and the more fcuked up i get... i dun know whats the damn problem with me... someone tell me whats going on please....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 12:10 AM

Friday, August 20, 2004

today the team had a big talk..... ok though the whole was tensed at some part... but it was all ok.. i'm glad we had this talk.. it actually poses as an excuse to let it all out... i cant stand it A-n-y-m-o-r-e! but i just cant seem to let it out the same time its comin in... man its tough... nvm i think i just brought all these upon myself.... i don't know what say now cuz im simply just too tired to think or do ath... man its already amazin that i actually managed to type this much.. but think i'll continue even though what im sayin is nothing but crap and that people seldom visit my blog.. lolx but ya.. i just hope that there was this one day of every month where i can cry out loud and just do nothing but cry... get everything off my shoulders... but i just cant.. i seriously dont know what i can do to those things...

its real horrible as you get older... when we were young, all of us are just so innocent.. we don't know nothing about the world... how treacherous it is like... we used to think that its a really really nice place... but as we got older... we got to see the other side of it... the cold cruel heartless side of it... all starts when we get to learn more and more about it... that's why the way we are now is caused by the things that we got to know each day... gettin to know more about humans and how evil and despicable they can get in order to get what they desire... this human world is just beyond your imagination.. and by tellin someone that you know everything bout this whole god damn world you would be liein.. no one will ever understand except for its own creater--> god

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:28 PM

Saturday, August 14, 2004

ok maybe it was also my fault... come to think of it... i called her a bitch before and fcukin bit ch back too.. if i had known earlier i would have said louder man... okok stop this crap cuz the whole world would turn against me... well... i could say sth.. i hate her to the core... i know she doesnt care but i just wanna tel her that.. and i know she hates me too.... just... JUST FORGET IT! i dont know.. everytime when it comes to this topic i feel really really... dont know hw to explain just really really uneasy... but forget it..

in the morning
when i wake up
i often wonder
where this day
takes me to...

back to the roots of my homeland
or towards the opening of the tunnel
but it always seem that theres no choice
as if the path was long decided
that i take the dark way back
and never enter the reigns of light..

it always seems im not welcomed
to take a step onto their land
to try and find a spot where i fit..
well it looks like that is what is happening
well looks like i have to do something..
but what?...
seems like the only way is to retreat
semms like i have to be
forever in the reign of darkness.....

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 1:37 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004

ok i am still really really pissed today... man tat woman can really really make my life miserable.. i think im gonna scold her here... should i? later the whole team thrash me up.. well.... i think i should do it..

dear miss chen... dont think i dont know that u called me a mother fcuker... well.. sorry but i dont fcuk my mother.. o well.. dont u think u suit that jod more than i do? like u have real good quailties to be one or maybe even to be promoted! man arent u proud? o i m soooo sorry for saying all this and i know u people would come here and scold me cuz all of u are forever standin up for her.. like whatever... come for all i care..

enough of her... only manage to make my blood boil more.. seriously i have lots more to say but i'll hold on to it first...

man im feeling funny... i dont know why but im not my real self... wait... do i even have a real self? dont know.. okok im not gonna write anymore.. i m simply speechless now.. boiling with rage...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:02 PM

Thursday, August 12, 2004

im really really pissed today... anyone who just crosses my path and does or says the wrong thing that's it you're a goner... i know i seriously do not pose as a threat and im really puzzled bout what i will do to that person too but i just really really wish that i could kill those people.. ok not exactly kill them but well maybe i should use the word sock? dunno... im just really really wrong today ya? well i had a dream bout ians last night.. man was it horrible.. but who cares its just a dream.. well i wish this life that im leaving in now is a dream and hopefully its just a nightmare that i wove out of my own hands.. well maybe its not exactly a nightmare if i see things in another perspective or something but now it is considered one... maybe a small one? i know there are others whose nightmares are worse than mine so ya i seriously cant hold a candle to them... .....candle... ok nothing never mind.... i just hope that i have the ability to weave a pleasant dream..... i think i'll stop... i gotta go study now.. got some freaking tests tomorrow..

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:28 PM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

im in a mess.... everythin is happenin like crazy i myself dun even noe wats happenin... its too fast.. ure sayin tis and ure doin tat.. i dun get it.... well.. at least there's stil one thing to be happy abt... I SAW ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG he is juz so handsome so pretty so cute so gorgeous so PERFECT.. ok maybe not its juz tat i dunno his flaws yet.. o i shud change... restructure my sentence.. THEY R SO HANDSOME SO PRETTY SO CUTE SO GORGEOUS SO PERFECT!!!!! im just like totally obsessed with the whole group now... but I'm still really troubled.. why must you leave?

im really in a lost.
well for all u know i might be
starting to retreat back into the darkness..
i should'nt have even stepped out
in the first place..
now i'm cast into the place of never return....
well this might just what i think
this might be what i see coming..
maybe its not a fact
but it sure is devastating
to be in this pathetic state
not knowing what lies ahead...
not knowing where the tunnel stops
neither knowing where it starts..
i might not leave to see the lights..
i might not have a need to die...
my life is in the hands of fate..
so i'll just leave it to decide..
now what is fate?
our fickle imagination?
or our sole life controller?
whatever it is..
it does its job
by following what is in the books of F.A.T.E

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:51 PM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

ok.... i think i m startin to see darkness again... maybe all is realli gone now... maybe its realli not meant to be in the first place... i dunno.. im in total mess total chaos total confusion now... i dunno i dunno i dunno i dunno!!! i cant realli do much and create an impact in ur life most of it depends on urself... i dunno wat i can do for u but i'll be there to help...

okok enuff of tat stuff... i think tis time to tok bout myself.... my life isnt as bright either.. jo is treatin me like an alien frm outer space... if not an intruder... ok maybe im over sensitive.. but since tat time their attitude towards me is totally diff... needless to say bout anna chen... and im sorri but i cry not becuz i wan attention but becuz i cant help it.. o maybe im not even fit to be a bballer! wow aint tat nice news for u maybe u cud jolly well get rid of me! sorri ! im a softie im not fit to be a bballer! isnt tat great news for u ppl? dun hafta see my sickenin face dun hafta hear my irritatin voice! huh?! tats nice rite?! muz u always demoralise me? i haf my pride too u noe! i didnt even offend u in any way! cant u juz leave me wif peace?!!

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 10:06 PM

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

i didnt say it was broken lin i juz dunno now..... i juz dunno now ok?

sometimes its better to stay where u r... zai4 yuan2 di4 pai2 huai2... i admit there is hurt here... but within all these hurt i found a very very small amt of happiness and wish it wud sort of stay... but no... its all gonna get robbed away.. its always happens... nth special.. but at least its left a nice mark in my memories.. i noe memories can neva be relied on and cannot be taken for real but at least i can feel it now and i can feel it.. so y not juz trust in it first til it fails u? til the day when memory becmes false y not juz take it first even if the memories are bad.. they r there to serve as a lesson for u and to make sure tat u dun repeat the same mistake again.. so wat if its false at least now its workin and is keepin some small thing sweet for me..
and huever said u need a boyfren to find happiness? ok some part of it mite be true but... in another way its not true. u can oso find happiness frm a fren.. ok i noe wat im sayin isnt gonna convince anyone cuz i got to noe tis person at the start of the month and thou gifs me a lot of sadness too.. but if u noe hw to treasure a frenship between someone, no matter hw sad... there wud stil be a lil sweet part...

to dreamerz... pls find the happiness tat u need.. even if it means gettin the "luv of ur life" and i specifically say "" i hope u noe wat im sayin.. and wat u sort of believe in... stop bein so sad... ure not hurtin urself but oso ur frens beside u i noe u dun gif a damn bout hw they feel and all but do sth for urself.. haiz i noe u oso dun gif a damn bout urself but at least do sth for urself.. instead of helpin ppl.. try helpin urself for a change pls...

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 8:09 PM

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

我们的世界用记忆相连
你如果一想我我一定听得见
就算你在地球另一边
两颗心之间是近还是远
这如果是谜语距离是一眨眼
我绝不会忘了这一天
一听见再见你就红了的双眼
我现在就答应你永远也不说再见
我的心寄放在你身边到我回来的那一天
思念如果乘以时间我觉得答案是永远
我那说不出口的再见就是我对你的誓言
因为如果你想问爱要多久那会是一万年
我和你分开那一点到现在也远的看不见
但是当我闭上双眼爱会出现

(Rap)你知道吗我可以忍住暂时没有你的空虚
也可以飞到地球的另一个岛屿
只要你相信说再见
是为了之后在看到你为了再回到你我的天地
是你给我一种免疫力好像天塌了也没关系
今天起我答应你说爱你是我们的见面礼
不管你怎么想这句话我不会忘记
这一秒到永远你是我爱情的首部曲

i noe its stupid clingin on to a frenship tat is bond to be broken but well... at least im tryin cuz i noe i dun wan it to end.. juz yet ... ok to lin... if ure sad dun be ok? i didnt say i din forgif u but it oso doesnt mean tat i haf forgifen u... i dunno... but lin lemme tel u tis.. i dun haf a heart which forgifs and forgets tat easily. yes i hold grudges... not stupid ones... but sometimes it Is stupid but tat grudge is held for some reasons or other... and i dun think i wud be able to move so ya juz leave me behind and move on ok? well if possible i mite catch up but not juz yet

I'vE wRittEn tHe PasT To OnlY hoPe f0r the FutuRe 10:00 PM