noe sth? wats the point of sayin sorri when u haf already done harm? well u think it mite be minor but tats ur point of view.. try puttin urself into tat person's shoe think in her perspective.. and see how it feels like....
 
and to GOH SONG THAI... go get a bloody life! i dun self-pity! and i DUN WAN ATTENTION and LET ME TEL U TIS seekin for a TRUE FREN is TOTALLY DIFFERENT FRM WANTIN ATTENTION if u dun noe...i treat u as a fren and dun force me to say wat i wil hafta u say i noe u can take crudeness and all crap becuz u dun haf a heart or sth but i wil say it no matter wat... and u wanna isolate me... isolate... if u wanna say i cursed u... cuzed u to get injured.. say but DUN EVER SAY TAT MY SCH PPL ARE THE ONES DOIN THE CURSIN cuz U DUN EVEN NOE THEM AND THEY DUN EVEN NOE U and rach has done nth to u at all! nvm its ur choice i cant stop u from thinkin stupidly... but i never knew u were tis type of ppl... i tot u were mature... fine say tat i dunno u say tat i make no effort to noe u... but let me tel u tis u made no effort in noein me either.. and wat u say bout me is onli wat u presume...
 
well if u ppl think tat i self pity too... then i gat nth to say then i'll realli apologise to u(song thai) the life im livin now realli makes me tired... i realli dunno wat to think..

everyone  has problems.. and u tell ppl bout those problems... and those ppl r there for u to console u... when they r not, u say they dun care bout u, no one cares for u.. but have u ever tot that they have problems too? u r not the onli ones wif problems and those problems u have are juz minor ones.. and sometimes its not even problems at all. its juz what ppl say and make u think too much tat u all create it into a problem and have u ever tot tat all the time when u had troubles they were there for u??? and that time u juz said "no u dun! no one cares! juz go away!" do u noe it hurt me so much??? i was there i m there but u actualli said i wasnt... and have u ever tot that others oso have their problems? u r not the onli one wif problems and urs r maybe onli so minor... ok maybe its realli sth... but have u tot that others r even bigger than urs? have u ever tot that these ppl need someone by their side to support them too? have u ever tot that ur problems have actualli gifen them stress?? y? its becuz they care that they get stressed up  by ur problems too????? have u ever tot for them too??? u noe they r humans too... i m not some super hero lin... even heros haf their rite to bleed... i rather choose not to care for anyone anymore... but i cant...... can im sorri for last time... i din noe hw much i troubled u... now im tryin on my own two feet... but its hard.. its juz like standin on a long thin rope wif no support at the sides... no nth at all.... i cant cope anymore.. i noe ppl oso say they do care for me but i dun feel it and every time i needed help there is no one by my side.....

today isnt a realli good day..... ok wat im gonna say next mite not be relevant but ya im sayin... i dunno whether its me bein a l'il too over sensitive or i think too much or wat... but i think the whole world is turnin their back on me.. i mean frm wat i see... maybe i M thinkin too much...  but y wud i actualli say tis? becuz i feel its happenin? cuz i see tat things r changin?  AAARRGGGHHHH noe wat? i think the best wat is to juz..... nvm im not cont'in... any further and i'll go bonkers! m i juz too tensed up or wat? r my nerves frizzled up or wat? ahhhhh! forget it im crazy.. i shud be sent to IMH and get locked up and then i'll knock my head on the cushion walls until foam cmes out of my mouth.... erm... maybe not.. its dis.. but ya... omg i think i m realli crazy... its like im tokin to myself can u see???o my... stay away frm me im dangerous...

everythin is wrong today....very wrong.. ok to me.. yah..maybe its my monthly tats doin the tricks but seriously i think today feels realli realli wrong and all.. i noe tong or any other one of them is gonna kill me when they see tis but im gonna say it.. but to me as in to ME MY POV... i think if u say tat the team hasnt changed... i think u r liein to urself and to others.. i ... i juz dunno ok?but all realli feels wrong not like it was last time not onli the team some other one too.....

im realli realli confused now.... dunno y dunno hw... juz very agitated... pms? probably... but i always haf pms everyday so its no surprise i guess dun care dun gif a damn... AAAAAAAAAA damn y is tis happenin???!!!!!!! if nth had ever happened if i did nth on fri mornin or afternoon or evenin maybe none of tis wud haf happened at all!!!!! it seems to me like it is totally fallin apart...r we gonna collaspe???? i realli hope im wrong i realli hope tat tis is not happenin i hope wat u all said it true...

ok it was realli realli bad i shudnt haf started the whole god damn thing ytd.. if none of it had happened. it wun be like tat today...omg i feel so god damn guilty i noe u all said it wasnt my fault but i juz cant help feelin tat way.. maybe we shudnt even haf tat tok ytd.. everythin has gone so wrong becuz of me... ok i noe u ppl wud obviously say i m self-pityin... go ahead i can onli say im not... i juz feel tat im wrong... cuz it was like such a puny puny thing and i actualli blew it up ytd.. i cud haf juz hold it back and not say or show or do ath to show signs of it but i realli cant help it.. u noe sometimes ppl haf to let it out cuz there is realli too much inside.. and i mean too much, over the top of it already.. i duno sometimes i juz feel like gifin up.. put everythin aside and juz find peace but its realli too tough... i cant do it.. ok i noe i shud find someone to tok to.. and i do but no offence.. tokin to them sometimes is like erm... dui4 nui2 tan2 qin2 get it? ya and its realli very tough and its like makin me worse than i feel.. cuz its like no one there at all...

its a real tirin day toAY..... my nerves are all wrong.... everythin went crashin down like there's no tmr... everythin was down today... i wish i dun hafta cry anymore...... it onli makes me feel tired and sad and hungry...wat m i sayin?im cryin becuz im sad not sad becuz im cryin.... o wateva.. noe wat? i dun gif a damn anymore.. or so i said.. noein too much or realisin too much wud onli cuz hurt.. but sometimes in the end.. it mite turn out all alrite. and sometimes... all gone wrong... i dun think i wanna con't any further i need time now...

well i changed everythin ok not i but its can and thx but someday i wanna do it myself! for now let it be... been realli tired these few days... physically and mentally and emotionally? dunno but i juz noe im tired tats all... everythin's been a lil weird today.... its realli cold i dunno... juz somehow i think im left in the winter well everywhere else is in spring and im realli realli feelin very uncomfortable... but i juz dunnp hw to break the ice and enter spring..maybe its a matter of time... time time time time everythin's always gotta do it darned time....its realli sickenin.... everthin comes and goes becuz of it all happy things are always robbed away by it to onli becme wats left- a memory and then the pain starts... n the scar is left there..its realli not enjoyable...

i was kept happy for tis day
i was juz feelin great
i dunno where tis happiness came
but i dun wan tis to leave the pain
for when the happiness always cmes
all the bad things wud follow up
and gives more than wat happiness gave

im not realli in joy
cuz i broke my fren's heart
when all tat came was my curosity
i dun mean for wat i did
i dun mean for ath
i juz wish i noe ur life
as u were once a good fren of mine

i wanna noe wats happenin
so i can make sure ur happy
but i din noe tat it's called nosey
i dun wanna get into ur life
but i do wanna see wats inside
issit happiness
or issit sadness

i noe nth wud eva be the same
as time made it so
but i do wish tat i was stil
tat same old fren to u in u for u
the fren hu u cud tok to when u r down
the fren hu cud assure u when u r in doubt
the fren hu wud be there for u

i noe its not a poem or sth but ya...nvm anyway im sayin again... im sorri if u find tat realli hard to take

my world is fallin apart... its tearin down. everythin juz starts to disappear...

wat if we were livin in dreams?
dreams we tot tat do not exist?
wat if we ourselves were neva here?
wat if nth eva existed?

wat is reality?
wat is fiction?
for all u noe we r fiction
for all u noe we r not real

so it doesnt matter if we die
as maybe there is reality
juz a reality ppl r scared to go to
a place where greatest fears r far less fearful
a place where true happiness is found....

i noe tis doesnt look like a poem and all but all i wanna say is in here althou not clear but its all in it...dun understand all the better.

ok ppl..... let me make tis clear to u i m THINKIN of suicide but NOT GOIN to suicide get it???? pls... im not so brave im not so strong... im not wat u all see me as... the happy irratatin gal... ok fine im irritatin and all maybe tat doesnt change but i can tel u one thing i dun think im happy... all the time i've been wearin a mask.. maybe not nownaybe i do show it out now but so?

i realli wish i could turn back the time... back to where the three of us r together.. goin thru thick and thin together... haf all the happy times even if i was a lil sad.. but tat was the greatest time of my life...
the next time im writin my post.. it may be in a poem form or sth..