i'm feelin very very very troubled now..... im realli feelin helpless i dunno wat to do... wat m i supposed to do someone tel me.. wow i think the best is to jump.. but i gat no courage... ok next alternative.. face it.... but im scared... aaaaa PENG! o GREAT and now two of my couz of age like wat 6 and 7??? are PERFORMIN SEX in my room???!!!!! master-beddin each other???!!!!!PEICE OF SHIT! DOWN RITE DISGUSTIN!! its stingin my eyes god damn it!!!!!

y does she always disagree wif the things i wanna do? cant she juz give in to me? im goin out with other ppl's family becuz they r doin things which wud be fun there and im onli goin wif my fren not HER FAMILY... after i reach tat place i wud juz wander off wif her and not her family.. wat does she mean by " got ur own family dun wan to stay wif us then go out wif other ppl's family " wat is the meanin of tis?! the reason y i dun normally spend time wif them is becuz the time i spend with them is onli at hme y? cuz they dun go out at all! and wat type of family time is tis????!!! its juz simply no diff frm an everyday dinner at hme! with my sister missin.. with the tv on and so on.. and the furthest place we go to is this stupid stuffy hawker centre at alexandra or... brickwood? great i even haf to ask her where is tat place... and we dun even go out at all... o ya spend time wif ur own family... wat is one house all doin diff things of our own and gettin bored to death is called spendin time wif ur family..

i haf already given off so god damn much of me freedom away! not tokin to guys not goin out durin sch days not closin the door til at nite and so... and now i cant even go out and haf fun wif HER and i mean HER not her FAMILY! they juz go as one and then frm there we juz go our seperate ways to do wat we wanna do!!! fine i fcukin pissed now so i wun bother to write further

long time since the last post... holi now and im feelin better? i guess... not so much... problems? i dunno.. my heart is heavy... dunno y.. maybe cuz of all tat i've been thru.. dunno dun care dun gif a damn like i said to my couz and i stil stand by my word.. life is rotten.. if god noes we will suffer in this world then why bring us here? so he wanna see hw we suffer aye? the world is unfair.. extremely unfair... wat caused me to live in misery? those ppl arnd me... my frens.. my family....
famliy... mum says tat when u r in trouble, the onli one hu wud be by ur side helpin.. is ur family.. but hw cme i dun sense any of it? ok maybe they do help maybe they realli r there... but y issit tat they r oso the ones addin up to my misery? haf they ever tot tat scoldin was to them.. for our own good.. but to me.. anothr reason to feel damn unhappy each time they scold it onli hurts me even more deeply as to y they scolded me? and after which they mite juz say tat it was becuz they were frustrated and so on so they lost their temper becuz they got realli pissed off after i did sth wrong... haf they ever tot tat i too haf feelins and wud get frustrated too and they vent their.. haf they ever tot tat maybe at tat time i too was frustrated and need time on myslef or better stil to haf things to let me vent my anger on? and when the sparks fly they juz say tat im tokin big and tat im rude and all and so on.. haf they ever tried puttin themselves into my shoes? haf they ever tot tat i to wud get miserable after things happenin in sch? haf they ever observed my mood? haf they ever tot i needed a time out? she says she understands me more than anyone else in the world.. then why cant she see tat im actualli havin a real bad day? tat im actualli sufferin?

cool isnt it? a ALMOST GT INTO A GANG FITE TODAY.. wel hu gifs a damn... damn tired of life.. u wun noe wats gonna happen the very next second u turn arnd u dun even noe when death is gonna dawn upon u but i dun care less.. death wans me then he can take me when my time's up i go but when issit my time????? do i go soon? wil i die wif lots of regrets? ok to be exact.. does anyone even care if i were to die in front of them??? ok maybe they do cuz they get freaked out and juz wishes i dun die so i wun hafta get them into trouble and all is there any love in tis world at all? cuz frm wat i see... is ppl livin in others misery and all... i realli dunno.. and i dun wanna noe or maybe i do but not now.. maybe..