went to the library wif my couz today and had a BIG talk wif her.. lolx she din noe hw to react when i told her i did it and showed her... lolx ppl think think the wrong way... some of u noe wat's goin on... sighs* so pressured by those projects.... realli dunno hw to cope.. haf a chin test tmr a maths test tmr.... dunno wat else is cmin up next... now my disk cant open... AAAAAAAA cant stand it!!! dunno wat the hell is wrong wif today man... well.. i think i dun wanna care at all... onli make me feel more depressed when i already m i dun wanna wreck my brains now but do i look like i haf a choice? stil haf tat bloody test tmr.... AAAAAA man make me disappear!!!.. POOF and im gone!

juz when i tot my life wud be out of the darkness.... i haf the fear which i had before seems to be cmin back... lolx i dunno maybe im scarin myself... i dunno i suddenly felt tat way when i was tokin to can juz now lolx everythin seems to or cud happen when im tokin to can lolx not sayin tat ure a curse or ath can but ya maybe cuz i've known u fr long and all so when its cmes to otkin to u my feelins juz cme out and all but not exactly all... *sighs*... i've gt like so many qns in my mind now.... so unsure bout so many things and happenins realli dunno hw to solve it... stil havent found tat person yet... hope he/she wud quickly appear... cuz if tis were to cme back again i realli dunno wat wil happen.. lolx stil thinkin hw it feels like to jump down the buildin :D.. im stil... o well nvm nvm....im gone now.. gat like loads of hmw to do....

ok i think maybe im sort of startin to get out of tat darkness wif the help of my frens.. and i realli realli wanna thank them alot and i mean ALOT. well my mood's gettin slightly better cuz when im angry its now onli for a short while cuz now.. i dun keep it inside me. i shout everythin out.. ok maybe not everythin but maybe juz counter curses to those things done or said which pisses me off but tis is onli when i haf the mood to.. sometimes im juz too tired to bother so i wil rmb tat grudge and take revenge the next time rnd. nah.. i dun think i did tat... m i those type of ppl... seriously i dun think i wud do tat cuz i stil haf the fear in me... but its improvin its disappearin slowly...but not all of it i think there is bound to be a small portion wud wud be keep inside me for a long long time.. or maybe foreva.. hu noes.. onli time wil tel... but im stil a lil pressured.. not by tis but those crappy projects gifen by the teachers.. i've gt like 3 or 4 on my hands now..*sighs* life is seriously so tough... i dunno wat wil happen if i were to work in the society in time to cme.. there's tis sayin < every single drop of water makes the ocean> or wateva i dunno... but i stil dun see the importance of my existance in tis world... i mean realli seriously... i stil dun see it...??o yes and i stop doin it already... cuz someone toked some senses into me.. o and :).. pls PLS dun tel me u r my couz.....

ytd... i had a midnite chat wif can.... and frm tat i totally understood tat im livin in the dark side...... o great and my dad juz came in and scolded me... pls im already havin fear and loss in me i m totally away now no one can pull me out of my dark world...onli someone can... but the prob is ..i dunno hu... and can i noe im certainly no god but i do noe i need someone now i dunno hu it is or where is she/he or hoe does he/she look like and i dunno when i wil get to noe hu it is... and i certainly cant wait any longer.... i haf no remainin energy left to stay for a sec but im stil livin mainly beucz i dun haf the courage to do it.... ok maybe i do but hu noes... sth is holdin me back but i dun noe wat... im livin the fear inside me and i dun wanna gt out... i dun wanna care no more i dun wanna noe no more i dun wanna fite no more... and can wat u said ytd was correct but no totally... yes i dun wanna face it im no god but ure wrong bout the others... hw i wish i cud show all my feelins out.... but i cant... and can, i finally noe y.... im scared... by wat i shant say maybe i'll say it personally to u but not here... nah dun think i'll con't writin.... so im gone..

ok things r not goin my way these few days... i got pissed off lotz of time fr the past 3 days... on charity nite... i wanted to cal the hotline juz to donate... and to hear ......'s voice but my mum said... no they r already richer than us so y do we haf to?? care bout ur family first!! ok fine... then later she asked... which hotline do u cal to get the condo?? i ansed her... so she was like... o ok... u go make one call... OMG UNBELIEVABLE!!!! okok fine im not gonna say anymore bout tis cuz im feelin guilty to to say tis type of things bout my family not becuz they r a realli good family but becuz of tis chinese compre i did in sch.... im not gonna say ath bout tis anymore... now, to monday...shit her curse her eat shit!!!! ok not my mum someone else... pls stop throwin remarks on me... look at urselffirst before u say ath... and u noe sth?? i think u already do but i'll say it again.... ur god damn attitude sux to the fcukin core... wats wrong wif u man!!!! y me???!!! go find someone else to curse on!!! Fcuk Off!!!! OK if u meant tis fr a joke i tel u its one which dosent please me at all!! at least u shud say tat u r jokin or wat rite?!! wats ur prob huh??!!!! so wat if u r in a bad mood??!!! u think im not???!!! y dun u go eat shit??!! o and speakin bout tis... tel them to eat shit toO! i think the one hu deserves tis the most more than u is tat guy! hu else but E?? im not sayin wat happen cuz tis mite stil leave a hurtin wound to some ppl... but i do hope tat he thinks its a total loss... he's B-L-I-N-D... ok maybe he got his own reasons but so wat??? halo there are like 11 or wateva of them and one of u!! think wat r they gonna do now?... okok maybe i got the wrong info or wat but juz use ur god damn head to think pls.....

its good fri and almost all of my frens seem to go out and haf fun while im the onli one stayin at hme facin those four walls of my rm and those two couz again... dreaded. i wanna go somewhere far far away frm tis place somewhere i dun see pain at all somewhere tats warm and cozy... but everytime i seem to be near ... it juz keeps gettin further and further away....sometimes i wish fer someone to be there but its juz not enuff.... i need him/her to be there always, leadin me out of the darkness.. why does everyone seem to get their deserved happiness and all i get is invisble pain... y do i feel tat they get angels and all i get is juz nth but pain no angels no brightness no nth... god juz send me someone or sth anythin tat can juz guide me away frm here.. hw i wish tat guardian angels do exist... or maybe if mum were to juz let me haf the way i wan my life to go... to let me haf a lil more freedom to maybe go tot the court or to a beach.. to throw all the ....... away i wud realli feel better... i haf wondered... i need a break i wan a break i hope fr a break.. but wud anyone gif me one? wud anyone let me go? i think all i need now is to haf parents tat r rich and all they do is work frm day n nite and juz let me haf a hse by the beach and cal at times to check on me and to juz let me breathe fr awhile... let me go to the beach when i m down... tats all tat i need to relief the pain.. ok tis has gt totally nth to do wif the crap above i noe but im juz writin wat i wanna write... y issit tat even the disabled can live a much brighter life then wat im goin thru now? its not tat my parents are ill-treatin me but i juz cant breathe fer one reason or another i cant... i juz cant....

ok im realli provoked by wat tat ass said to me and anna's suckin attitude.... didnt update the blog cuz i din haf the strength to... i've been ..... in vain these few days and t onli adds up to the ....... inside. im not gonna add some words cuz its gonna sound all emotional and some mite even feel disgusted and others.. but its too much... nth at all can help me or rather cure me now... sometimes i realli wish tat i was ice... no feelins no nth at all... no hatred and luv no frenship no nth and the terms of frens cud onli go as far as hi-bye and hmw... as simple as tat and then i wud haf no feelins bout those remarks i receive and not feel sad... now even thou i noe tat those remarks are a way fer me to imprve myself further... i stil cant take it as i feel as if it was meant fer an insult if u ppl understand wat i mean... those cold hard ..... cant seem to fall onli til i cant simply handle no more... when its heavy i alwaes listen or view the mv of a particular song and it neva fails me. can u noe tat song its frm one of the dramas by a female band.... thou its not absoulutely related to my current stand....its meanins does mean sth bout the thing .. .... .... ... i dont noe why but for some reasons i do noe tat i need sth or rather ....... now.... and i juz dunno wat .. .. issit.... im realli in need of tat sth or juz sth... i realli dunno wat to do as in i feel i dunno... helpless? maybe.. ok im done wif tis im not gonna write further it juz makes the... situtation or wateva go worse... aniwae can nice choice... kor hw can i sae when tat guy's father happen to be my unc? i wud get into deep shit wif my mum after tat... and thx di i wil try but i cant possibly do it now...

omg i realli feel like piercin a knife thru my cous heart. I wanna KILL him!!! irritatin!!!! ok maybe u mite say aww dun be so bad he's juz a lil 6 yr old boi hu doesnt noe ath and its juz tat his parents doesnt teach him well... then y can his 7 yr old sis actualli be much sensible then him when they both cme frm the same parents well i m not sayin tats she's not a spoilt brat or sth but wat im sayin is tat she's a much better kid then tat stupid BLOODY IRRITATIN BRO OF HERS o fer god's sake can they like teach him some manners???!!!! i noe im gonna be dead if my unc or aunt see tis but sorri realli no offence... u r TURNIN UR KIDS INTO some NUISANCE! someone has to do sth before they realli becme pests to the society and it has to be u!! ok im in no position fer sayin things like tat cuz im too young and shudnt interfere wif adults' way of handlin their kids but at least i do noe tat if tis goes on, im realli gonna kil them! n now on to the adults... they say 1 we cannot say 2.. we muz do as they please... Goodness CRAP!!!!ok u ppl say tat u all r doin wat U THINK is good fer us or ok its realli good fer us but cant u juz u a nicer or a change of approach if we realli dun like to do tat thing?!u all claim tat u noe how many strands of hair we haf on our head cuz we r taken out into tis world by u ppl but i tel u u r far frm tat... u dun even noe wat im thinkin u dun even noe wat i wan u dun even noe wat i need and u dun even noe hu i basically m now!!!!! by scoldin us u say u r showerin luv... BULLSHIT !!! u r scoldin partly becuz u r ventin ur anger onto me!! i may haf written in my blog in the first few entries tat me and my sis share diff fathers and i think tat im not theirs? sometimes i realli do hope so... no actualli wat i realli wan now is a place tat belongs to me a place where i can haf peace do any thing i wan and i noe im repeatin tis again and again but im stil gonna say it... if the onli place where i can haf peace is in heaven or hell... i m willin to go there.... i've realli taken enuff of all these... i realli m gonna break down sooner or later...

took away the song frm shiyun's blog. its tooooo noisy. will find some other cool song some other dae. //27//

MAN WATS HER BLOODY PROB???!!!!! stupid b*stard..... gif me face when i did nth to her... okok i shud correct my sentence.. WATS THE WHOLE WORLD's BlooDY ProB! i m not a puppet to be pushed arnd neither m i a ventin machine i live in tis world not to see all ur black faces and not to suffer ok!!!! blooDY ShiT i tel u all those ppl.. GO HELL!!! isnt tis place a lil too peaceful fr u all to cre8 havoc? so i suggest tat u go to hell and party cuz u r not invited in tis world or maybe not tis world but MY world.... funny i can all all tis now then later when my anger sort of vanish, i wil juz naturally plae wif them again... but then again... i wil stil keep on complainin and complainin... do i realli too much of vengance in me? but hu cares... i juz hate those hu does ath tat pisses and hurts me cuz when i m pissed i usualli get hurt and trust me cuz if u dun gif a damn i wil make u... well i dunno if i haf tat power... but i sure m gonna use a knife and point at u if the law doesnt restrict tis... ok maybe i wun but lets keep tis til the law changes... blame me for bein soft-hearted... and i realli wanna say tis.... pls ppl u r makin me fade away becuz of wat u do which actualli hurts me and it goes down realli deep cuz u ppl dun ever think abt my feelins before u do or say those hurtful things.. u ppl juz onli noe hw to think bout urself....